Buhay Talaan ni Felipe - 2

Mamaalam, tala kong may ngiti, saglit lamang, may huling habilin, sa gitna ng yong paglalakbay, sa dako mong ihihimlay dalhin ang payapa't pangakong wagas. Patawad. May lunas pa araw nananamlay mong diwa s'yang may gamay ng malay mong tilang hiram. Itong minamataa, daang tinitimbang, dala, tang kong alay. Mamaalam sa mundong kay lupit, sadya kayang nilihis sa pait. Sa gitna ng yong paghihimlay, manlako kang maghihintay. Dalhin sa paaglitis. Taglay ng tamis. Paalam. ["Alay," Aia de Leon]

jueves, marzo 03, 2005

Liar.

In our house, we have a simple rule with the maids as regards to unknown callers (that would be ANYONE other than family or friends) meaning to speak to any of us (My Dad, my mom and me), and that is to politely ask for his or her name, company, and reason for calling, and not to forget to advise the caller with the phrase "titignan ko lang po kung nandito siya/sila."

If there's a phone service that blocks certain callers from calling you, the same way as Friendster can block certain assholes from messaging you, I would have availed of it against Value Vision. Value Vision is one of those local InfoMercial companies that sells too-good-to-be-true products on TV. I have already forgotten which product I bought from them but whatever it is, it's now probably rusting in the junk room and I regret ever buying it. If you at any one time bought anything from them, expect to be riled every month by follow-up calls convincing you, in an ANNOYING way, to buy more products from them. If you have encountered a Family First agent at the malls, you would have a picture of how it goes.

One afternoon, with 2,000 strokes of bad luck following my back that day, a Value Vision agent called and I chanced on answering the phone. I could have just lied that Felipe was out of town, gone out shopping, travelled to never-neverland, or something with that effect. After all, my Mom's the Queen of White Lies and I'm PROBABLY the Prince. But NO! I was either so disoriented (or so hungry) that I spoke the TRUTH. I told the caller that I was home and that I was myself. And so went her 10-minute monologue of their "new products on TV." Bad trip. Ang kuleeeeeet niya.

"Ah sir, meron pa kami para sa kotche. Electric air pump!"

"Ah... eh, meron na kami. SAMPU pa." (Lie)

"How about an inflatable boat, sir!"

"Takot kami sa tubig." (Lie)

"Mga facial cream, sir... moisturizer, sun block..."

"Maganda na ang nanay ko at wala nang pag-asa ang pagmumukha ko." (Truth)

And the introduction of products went on and on. Until she ran out of items on her list. I just politely told her that I'm not interested to buy anything and then we both hung up.

I thought that was the end of it. But oh-ho-ho-ho NO. Every month they would still call. But of course, this time if I chanced on answering their phone call, I would lie.

* "Wala pa po siya."

* "Nasa office pa po siya."

* "Pumunta po ng Cebu."

* "Pumunta po ng Bacolod. AT HINDI PO NAMIN ALAM KUNG BABALIK PA."

With those reasons, they still hope of hearing my beautiful voice on the phone.

I was having a snack this afternoon when the phone rang. Grace, one of our house angels, answered the kitchen phone. Grace comes from a place in Cebu where their conversational voice level equates to Metro Manila's voice level for shouting. She went through with the routine of asking for the caller's name and company. She went to the dining room to tell me that the call was from Value Vision.

"SER!!! TELEPONO DAW GALENG SA BALYU BISHON!!! KAKAUSAPIN NINYO BA?"

"Anong balyu bishon?"

"YUNG SA TEEBEE DAW YATA. MAY BINIBINTA."

"Ah. Sa Value Vision. Naku, ang kulit ng mga 'yan. Sabi mo wala ako."

"U SIGI!"

Medyo LANG the kitchen is right beside the dining room and any idiot at the other end of the line would have heard what she was saying.

Grace goes back to the kitchen phone and said to the caller:

"AH... EH.... SABI NI SER WALA PA PO DAW SIYA! SABI NIYA HINDI PA DAW SIYA DUMADATING! UKI, BAH-BAY!"

Parang may eksenang ganyan si Matutina sa John en Marsha, ah.