Buhay Talaan ni Felipe - 2

Mamaalam, tala kong may ngiti, saglit lamang, may huling habilin, sa gitna ng yong paglalakbay, sa dako mong ihihimlay dalhin ang payapa't pangakong wagas. Patawad. May lunas pa araw nananamlay mong diwa s'yang may gamay ng malay mong tilang hiram. Itong minamataa, daang tinitimbang, dala, tang kong alay. Mamaalam sa mundong kay lupit, sadya kayang nilihis sa pait. Sa gitna ng yong paghihimlay, manlako kang maghihintay. Dalhin sa paaglitis. Taglay ng tamis. Paalam. ["Alay," Aia de Leon]

jueves, marzo 31, 2005

Kodakan

view from the condo staircase a view from our balcony another view from the balcony and another... the other balconies of neighbor-units Image hosted by Photobucket.com my room.... of course, it's messed up Taal view Dining area glass ang tinidor Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com kawayan busog na! inom muna makukulit na mga bata si kumpareng iPod menu condom ng camera ko... for PROTECTION
silya

miércoles, marzo 30, 2005

Puffy

Why some people would feel like dying if they don't puff at least 10 sticks of cigarettes a day, I would never know.

If people are starting to avoid you because you smell like your great great great great grand Lolo...
If people are avoiding you because your breath smells like a canal...
If you're only 25 but already look 40...
If you're having diffuculty breathing...
If your newly laundered clothes still smell like the club you went to the previous week...
If you can no longer run on the threadmill for more than 15 minutes...

It's time to quit smoking.
The Pope wasn't able to speak during the Easter Sunday celebration. Was hopitalized at least twice just this month. And now he gets nutrition from a feeding tube through the nose. Must we mention his obvious medical condition?

Why do I have a strange feeling that the Church is breaking up? Priests have become sex hungry animals. A number of Catholics in our country are making businesses out of religion. People don't have faith in church leaders anymore. Where was God when the Muslims bombed the metro? And the Church itself doesn't have any idea who the next Pope will be.

*****

I woke up yesterday with a terrible sore throat. I still went to work. A friend of mine suggested I take this chinese medicine called Pei Pa Koa. Low calls it a miracle drug. I remember a cousin was talking about it last Saturday during my Mom's birthday lunch. I passed by my cousin's place to buy a big bottle from her. But she gave it to me for free.

"Iyo na 'yan. 200 pesos lang naman 'yan."

Rich talaga si pinsan!

I took it right after lunch and before dinner came, my sore throat's gone. BUT I developed colds this morning. I'm still taking the medicine hoping that the same miracle effect will work on me too.

I have given up on cough and cold medicines. They don't work on me anymore. If I need to get well, I would need get a LOT of rest. But with the work load that I have, I don't have time for that.

lunes, marzo 28, 2005

At sino itong nakabangga ko sa escalator ng ATC along the valley of Human and Traffic? Walang iba kundi si Eric Furctu... Frutosu... Fructo... basta, yung pinakamabuhok sa tatlong GWAPINGS. Pogi pala in person, ah. At mataba siya ngayon. Pero hip hop pa rin. Nag-sorry pa sa akin nung nabangga niya ako.

Conscience: Eh, he's nice naman FALA, EH.


*****

And the thing that made my day was a message from "C" of DL.

You put a big smile on my face :)

* sigh

k i l i g

*****

At dahil nakakita ako ng 1/3 of the GWAPINGS, may joke ako!

Me: knock, knock

You: Who's there.

Me: Eh kasi, eh ano, hung hang

You: ......who?

Me: (To the tune of Ecstacy)
EH Kasi...!
Eh ano...!
Eh kasi....!
Eh ano... HUNG HANG!
tentenentenente tanan, tentenentenente...

Ah, sheht, sayang sana may audio dito sa blogger. Mas maganda kase kung kakantahin talaga. Pero kung hindi mo din naman matandaan yung kanta, useless din. Matulog ka na lang.

Pagod

Minsan, pagkatapos ng isang Sabadong gabi na puno ng beer at halakhak, napapa-isip ako kung hanggang kailan ako magiging ganito. Kailan ako mananahimik. Kailan ko matatagpuan ang isang tao na magpapaniwala sa akin na sapat na ang lahat, at panahon nang maging kuntento. Para kasing napakalungkot na tuwing sabado na lang naghahanap ako ng malilibangan. Naghahanap ako ng panibagong karanasan. O naghahanap ng makakasamang lumabas. Lahat para lang hindi masayang ang isang gabi, para sa isang beses sa isang linggong pagkakataon na maging masaya.

Nakakapagod din.

Sabi ng isang kaibigan ko, kailangan ko daw ng love life. Pero ayon sa aking karanasan, minamalas ako pagdating diyan. Ewan ko ba. Gipit ako sa suwerte sa halos lahat ng bagay. At sa stress na humaharap sa akin halos araw-araw, malapit na akong magmukhang 30.

*****

Pinagmamasdan ko ang nanay ko kanina habang kumakain ng hapunan. Tahimik lang sa kanyang puwesto. Ganun din ang tatay ko. Ramdam ko na pagod na siya sa katatrabaho. Alam mo yung tipong pagod na pero gusto pa rin? Nabibiak ang isip ko tuwing pumapasok ang ganitong ideya. Dahil gusto ng nanay kong akong mamahala na ng kumpanya. Pero gusto ko naman iwan ang lahat at magsimula ng panibago.

Panibagong buhay.

Para sa pagbuo ng sarili kong pangalan.

Dahil ampon lang ako.

Kaninang hapon nga, may kausap ang nanay ko sa telepono. Isang ahente yata na nagpupumilit magbenta ng lupa o bahay. Napapunta ang usapan sa isang commercial space na for sale. Tumatangi ang nanay ko. At may sinabi pa siyang tumawag sa akin ng pansin.

"Hija, ayoko nang bumili pa ng bagong commercial properties. Baka hindi din magamit ng mga anak ko. Hindi ko rin masasabi, baka sawa na rin sa negosyo namin at gustong magtayo ng bagong negosyo."

Tumpak ka diyan, Mommy. At kung dumating ang araw na hindi ko na matiis ang mga gulo na umiikot sa isipan ko, magpapakamatay na lang siguro ako, o kaya lalayas.

*****

Kanina din nga, kasama ko yung tatlong aso ko. Si Dexter, yung labrador ko, kahit bata pa para sa kanyang edad, parang matanda na't sobra na ang pagod. Palagay ko may sakit at malapit nang mamatay. Kaya ko naman tangapin pagdating ng araw na mamatay na si Dexter, eh. Wala din naman ako magagawa, di ba? Simple lang ang kaligayahan niyan. Ang makita ako at mayakap ko, maglalaro na ang buntot niyan. Mabuti pa siya, nakakamit ang pinakahihigit na kaligayahan para sa kanya. Ako naman, hindi ko pa rin alam kung anong higit na magpapaligaya sa akin.

Pero isa din ako sa mga taong naniniwala na hindi na dapat hinahanap ang bagay na higit na magpapaligaya sa sarili dahil kasisiraan ito ng ulo mo. Bigyang daan na lang ang mga maliliit na bagay na nagbibigay ng kasiyahang-loob. Sa kasalukuyan, ang mga bagay na nagpapasaya sa akin ay

mga kaibigan (kahit na kaunti lang sila)
photography
cartoons
The Sims 2
pamamasyal
at Vodka Cruisser.

*****

May nahalungkat nga pala ako na isang lumang envelope sa isa sa mga drawers ko na naglalaman ng mga kung anu-anong mga lumang bagay. Mga lumang litrato ko pala ang laman. Kinuha ko ang gunting at pinagugupit ang lahat ng mga litrato. Sampu yata yun. Ayaw na ayaw kong makakita ng mga luma kong litrato. Mas lalong ayaw kong makita pa ito ng ibang tao.

Ang payat ko!

Ang dami kong pimples!

Ang pangit ko!

Kung may isang bagay na gusto ko sanang kalimutan tungkol sa nakaraan ko, isa na dito siguro yung itsura ko. Mukha akong kawawang bata.

*****

Mukhang hindi tumalab ang vitamin c at echinacea na ininom ko pagkatapos kong magmerienda. Sumasama ang lalamunan ko. Parang lalagnatin pa ako. Pero, kailangan ko pang tapusin trabaho ko ngayon gabi.

Nakakapagod.

domingo, marzo 27, 2005





You Are An Intro-Extrovert!


Sometimes you're social - sometimes you're shy

You've got a bit of an Introvert / Extrovert split going on

You enjoy all sorts of situations. Parties, small groups, and alone time.

Too much of one, and you'll long for the other. You need variety!

Chances are, you've got both serious and fun friends - and they don't get along.



viernes, marzo 25, 2005

The last time I slept in Tagaytay was over 2 years ago when my Mom still had share rights of the Highlands' Spa and Lodge. I don't remember sleeping in normal "Tagaytay temperature" since the lodge's heating was controlled. But since this place we're staying in right now is my Mom's very own place at The Highlands, I get to experience that natural Tagaytay night breeze. No centralized cooling or heating system. Sarado na lahat ng mga bintana ko, and of course I didn't turn on the airconditioning unit or the electric fan. But the room was still cool. Hindi yung malamig na tipong mangangatog ka na. It was quite comfortable. kaya ang himbing nga tulog ko last night. Sarap sanang may kayakap. Laki pa naman ng bed ko. Hihihihihi. Wala sana akong balak na gumising kanina nang maaga but at 6:30AM, I woke to the sound of my Mom's voice screaming at someone on her cellphone. Apparently, my Dad went to the Midlands golf course at 6AM but forgot to register his name first before playing his rounds. Kaya the counter staff didn't know that he was around. And then he got lost in the morning fog. DOH!

Don't worry. My Dad's okay. He got home 2 hours later, complaining about the fog.

"My galleeee... duh fug wus teribollllll.... anak ng.... !@#$%^&* [insert Ilonggo cuss words]."

Oh.... about the fog. So, since nagising na ako sa boses ng nanay ko, I decided to go downstairs to have breakfast. I looked at the windows and the glass door (which leads to the balcony) and... I COULDN'T SEE ANYTHING. I stepped out at the balcony. It was like walking on clouds. Sarap pa sa balat! Tapos sinita ako ng guard sa baba.

"Sir, baka mahulog ho kayo diyan."

"Ah... eh.... sinong nandiyan?"

Haha. Putek. Bilib ako sa vision nung guard na yun, ah. Nakita pa rin ako sa third floor through the fog! Hindi yan kaya ng powers ko!

*****

Tomorrow is my Mom's 72nd birthday. That's the only reason why I'm staying here at her condo right now. Because I'm too lazy to drive my ass to Tagaytay on Saturday. So I sacrificed my Thursday and Friday. But since we're going home tomorrow afternoon, kailangan kong bumawi sa Saturday night! Hihihihihi. saan ba pumupunta ang mga bakla kapag Black Saturday night?

*****

This place is soooooooo boring. Sure, there's a Club House, a sports center, night spots and restaurants. Pero goodness, for members only. My friends won't be able to get in easily. Ang pwede ko lang puntahan dito yung mga sosyal na park and garden at kausapin isa-isa ang mga mahiwagang bulaklak ni Sta. Maria. Sana my Mom bought a place in Punta Fuego na lang. May WiFi internet na, may beach pa sa baba. But Karlo says walang cute doon (siya lang). Still, may beach pa rin doon!

Gusto ko ng beach!

*****

I was browsing my phone's built-in calendar. My Mom's birthday next year falls on a Sunday. Good enough for me to make a 2006 Holy Week vacation escape to somewhere. Siguro Puerto Galera. Pero sasabihin ko pupunta ako ng Batangas o Quezon o saan man kase siguro by that time alam na ng nanay ko na Gay Mecca ang Gallera. Pupunta ako doon ng Monday tapos babalik ako sunday morning just in time for her birthday dinner. O di ba? May outline na ako. Kailangan ko na lang maghanap ng kasama.

*****

Pucha, isang daang beses akong bumalak pumunta sa beach since the start of the year, hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin ako nakakakita ng dagat! Leche!

Conscience: Relax, Felipe, RELAX. It's just the first quarter of the year. You still have 9 months to go!

Oo nga naman. You're absolutely right! Grabe, Conscience, you're so intelligent!

Conscience: Ah, yah. Me pa!

miércoles, marzo 23, 2005

I got home from a dinner-meet with a friend (and his friends) at GB3 about 30 minutes ago. I left them just when they started drinking. Nakita ko pa yung father-and-son team of I and K (ehehe ehehe) on my way to the meeting place (resto). Funny. I was just texting I a few seconds after I parked my car and then makakasalubong ko pala sila. Nagulat siguro ang mga yun na nasa Makati ako kase I really don't know my way around there.

*****

My folks and I will be spending the rest of the Holy Week in Tagaytay. We're leaving tomorrow at 7am. And hopefully we're gonna use Mom's new car. Sana, sana, sana. It will be my first time to sleep over at Mom's condo in Highlands (kahit na almost one year na niyang nabili yung unit). I've been to her condo about 4 or 5 times already pero never pa akong natulog doon. I don't think I will be able to do much there. Kaya I will be bringing my camera (in case I get to see good photo subjects), my iPod (I'm currently loading some of my CDs to my unit), and my laptop (malamang maglalaro lang ako ng Sims 2... for 2 days!).

Hindi naman sana ako sasama sa kanila sa Tagaytay, kaso it's my Mom's birthday on Saturday and she already planned for us to have lunch at Taal Vista Hotel. I could decide to go na lang on that day kaso I'm too tamad to drive. My brother's going din on that day lang but I can't ride with him dahil for sure punung-puno na yung van niya with his wife and kids. Kaya instead, I'm staying there na lang with my Mom and Dad para walang hassle. Ok lang. Anyway, we're going home Saturday afternoon. In case SOMEONE invites me to go out for a gimmick, pwede pa rin akong lumabas (hint, hint).

I'm almost done packing up. Toothbrush na lang ang kulang and batteries!

martes, marzo 22, 2005

Kapag cheap songhits ang nabili mo..

Greatest Love of All
"I decided long ago, never to walk with edu manzano..." (I decided long ago, never to walk in
anyone's shadow)

Cry by Mandy Moore
"A walk to remember... it was late afternoon!" (I'll always remember, it was late afternoon)

All My Life by K-ci and Jojo
"supposed to be you're like my mother, supposed to be you're like my sister" (close to me you're like my mother... close to me you're like my sister)

Where's the Love
"People killing, people flying, children hurt and living, crying..." (People killing, people dying; children hurt and you hear them crying)

Leaving on a jet plane by John Denver
"so kiss me and SMAFFLE me... (so kiss me and smile for me...)

Usher & Alicia's My Boo
"It started when we were younger you were NINE.." (It started when we were younger you were mine)

If I Ain't Got You by Alicia Keys
"some people want TAMBOURINES.." (diamond rings)

Britney's Baby One More Time
"My ONLY NEST is killing me... and I........(My loneliness....)

Thumbthumping (Chumbawumba)
"I get knocked down by an elephant, my mommas's gonna bring me down... " (I get knocked down, but I get up again...)

Crush by Jennifer Paige
"i-splash, a little crush.." (it's just.. a little crush..)

Red Hot's Californication -
"Viva Californication...." (Dream of Californication...)

No scrubs, TLC
"A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fine but is also known as a BUS STOP" (buster)

Waterfalls by TLC
"Don't go JASON waterfalls..." (Chasin')

John Mayer
"You're ALICE IN WONDERLAND... You're ALICE IN WONDERLAND I'll use my hands"
(Body is a wonderland)

Baa Baa Black Sheep
"Baa baa black sheep, heavy on the road..."

With A Smile by Eraserheads
"lift ur HAND.. baby dont be scared.. of the things that could go wrong along the way.. (HEAD!!!)

Wag Na Wag Mong Sasabihin by Kitchie Nadal
"maaaaaaaaaag... , magdamag mong sasabihin........"

two-trick pony by sandwich
"i have been waiting for you all night under the glow of INSECENT LIGHT" (...under the glow of YOUR SATELLITE)

On Bended Knees by Boyz II Men
"Oh God give me the reason, I'M DOWN...ABANDON ME..."(I'm down on bended knee)

Red Hot's Zephyr Song
"Fly away on my CELLPHONE...I feel it more than ever" (Fly away on my zephyr, I feel it more than ever)

AND FINALLY....

Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You by Glenn Medeiros
"Nothing's gonna change my love for you... you know NAMAN MY LOVE how much I
love you..."

lunes, marzo 21, 2005

My 1st Apple product

I'm not so sure why I bought it. Maybe I was upset. Maybe I was having a bad day. Maybe I was convinced enough that I should get one. Maybe the gadget magazine I was reading yesterday at Dein's hospital room told me that this is my gadget for the year. Maybe the 0% interest offer was too attractive. Maybe nainis ako sa Tita ni Dein kase hindi ako binigyan ng iPod Shuffle (hihihihihihi).



WELL anyway, I'm happy with my new iPod. My gulay, sa 40 GB memory capacity nito, pwede kong i-install dito Windows XP! I don't think it's a bad buy naman (or is it?). Thanks to the zero-interest installment offer of Citibank (and BPI cards, FYI), mas magaan naman sa bulsa bayaran.

jueves, marzo 17, 2005

SOME people are SO LUCKY to have Aunts who are CRAZY enough to give them iPod shuffles as gifts.

* sigh

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Inggit ako!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want an iPod!!!

Ang buhok...!

>wanna trade #s and hook up? 0927*****25. you're sexy!

JUICE KO! Ganun ba ka-deceiving ang picture ko sa DL? Humahaba ang buhok ko!

*****

Birthday ng nanay ko sa 26th at mukhang mapapa-over night ako sa bahay ng nanay ko sa Tagaytay... for the first time! Hindi naman sa ayokong matulog doon. Kaso mo, nagkakataong sabado parati ang punta doon ng Mommy at Daddy ko. Ayoko naman ma-aksaya ang weekend ko kasama sila, 'no. Once a week lang ang weekend; once a week lang ang pagkakataon kong maging masaya. Kaya ayokong nasasayang ang Saturday night ko. KAHIT na nagkukulong ako sa kwarto ko ng sabado, basta walang istorbo mula sa pamilya o trabaho, ayos na yun sa akin. Pero siyempre, nakakahinayang ding hindi ako lumabas at uminom.

Mmmmm....! Masarap uminom!

*****

Alam mo, naisip ko nanaman... binabantayan nga siguro ako ng Diyos. Dahil kahit na ilang beses akong umuwi't magmaneho nang lasing, ni-mansan ay hindi ako nakasagasa.... este, nakapatay.... este, na-aksidente sa daan. Parating muntik-muntikan na. Pero tuwing nakakabig pa ang dibdib, ginigising ako ng mga anghel.

*****

Napanood ko na kahapon yung "ROBOTS." Masaya naman kahit na mag-isa akong nanood. Nakamura lang ako ng dalawang malilikot na bata sa likod ko na hindi naman nakikinig sa takbo ng istorya pero ok naman ako.

"Ay o, kyut nung Rubot! Ma-meeeeee tignan mo yun RUBOT!!!"

.....Rubot? RUUUUU-BOTTT???!!?

*****

Hindi ko na talaga maintindihan ang katawan ko. Maaga naman ako natulog kagabi, pero nanghihina pa rin ako ngayon na parang nilantang kulangot. Kung late naman akong matutulog, para na akong maluoy na gulay. My GAD! Sa sobrang kulangot, este, sa sobrang hina ko, nakatulog ako sa pick-up namin. At my goodness ang shock absorbers ng pick-up namin, ha. Sa sobrang tadtad sakyan nun, siguradong mapapanganak ang buntis.

miércoles, marzo 16, 2005

Feel Good CD of the moment

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Artist: Tunde
Album: Tunde
Known tracks: Passing the Hours, Great Romantic

martes, marzo 15, 2005

Himbing

Image hosted by Photobucket.com Siguro lahat kayo makakaintindi kapag sabihin ko na kung minsan iniisip ko sana isang magandang panaginip na lang ang buhay. Yung buhay na walang problema, walang hassle, walang magpapagalit sa iyo, walang.... walang kahit ano mang hindi maganda.

Di ba?

Ang hirap ding maging tao, 'no? Ang hirap ding maging isang nilalang ng Diyos. Ang hirap ding maging isang mamayan ng isang bansa. Ang hirap maging negosyante. Ang hirap maging anak. Ang hirap maging kaibigan. Ang hirap maging Pilipino.

Minsan, mami-miss mo ding maging bata.

Pero mahirap ding maging bata! Ang hirap ng lagi kang inuuto. Ang hirap ng lagi kang inuutusan. Ang hirap ng walang naniniwala sa iyo. Ang hirap ng ikaw ang sinisigawan dahil ikaw ang bunso. Ang hirap ng ikaw ang tagapag mana ng lahat ng pinaglumaan ng mas nakatatandang kapatid. Ang hirap ng lahat ng laruan mo sira. Ang hirap ng lahat ng laruan mo lalo pang sisirain ng mga kalaro. Ang hirap ng lahat ng laruan mo mas lalo pang sisirain ng nakatatandang kapatid. Ang hirap ng lahat na laruan mo nanakawin ng mga pinsan.

Sana... high school na lang habang buhay.

Pero, mahirap i-pasa yung Chemistry ni Mrs. Reyes! Mahirap na kaaway sa Algebra si Mr. Fabian. Mahirap makipag-laro sa sistema ng high school administration. Mahirap mag maintain ng barber's cut na buhok kung wala kang perang panggupit. Mahirap mag research sa library na kulang-kulang ang libro. Mahirap magpanatiling puti ang uniporme. Mahirap maglakad pauwi bitbit lahat ng mga kwarderno't mga libro araw-araw. Sa lagay na 'yan, mahirap MAGPATANGKAD.

Haaaaaay.

Ang hirap ng managinip nang gising. Bibigyan ka ng utak mo ng magandang panaginip, gagawin namang bangungot ng malay mo.

lunes, marzo 14, 2005

Pabasa

Kagabi, pumunta kami (ako, Mom, Dad, Kuya, nephews) sa Pasay upang dumalo sa isang Pabasa na pinagtutuunan ng Tita ko. Naging tradisyon na ito sa nanay ko't mga kapatid niyang babae. Palagay ko nag-umpisa ito sa Lola ko mula pa noong nasa Sta. Rosa pa sila. Tapos itinuloy nang lumipat sila sa Pasay pagkatapos ng guera.

Ang Tita Carmen ko ang nagpa-gara sa pabasa. Sa kanyang mansyon, meron siyang chapel sa pinakamataas na bahagi ng kanyang bahay -- isang malaking tore -- na gumigitna sa kwarto niya at kwarto nina Ate Chris at Kuya Noel. Kumpleto ang chapel na ito sa mga Sto. Niño, altar, malalaking pulang kandila at mga luhuran. Nandito din ang mga malalaking imahen ng kanyang mga paboritong santo. Ang higit na kapansin-pansin sa chapel na ito ay ang higateng krus na pinagpapakuan ni Hesus na nakasabit sa dingding; at isang replika ng itim na Nazareno na nakaluhod at pasan ang isang malaking krus. Noong bata pa ako, hinding-hindi ako umaakyat sa kwarto ng Kuya Noel nang mag-isa. Parati akong nagpapasama sa isa sa mga katulong ng Tita Carmen. At tuwing umaakyat ako, iniiwasan kong tumingin sa dalawang higanteng imahen ni Hesus. Nakakatakot talaga! Yung nakapakong krus parang totoong dugo ang tumutulo sa sobrang pula. At yung nakaluhod na imahen naman parang totoong mata ang mga nakadilat.

Tuwing naglalaro ako sa kwarto ni Kuya Noel, mariring ng Tita Carmen ang boses ko. At saka akong tatawagin mula sa kanyang kwarto. Una, magkukunwari akong hindi ko siya naririnig. Tapos tatawagin muli ako.

"Felipeeee-e-e-e-e-e-e... naririnig kitaaa-a-a-a-a-a... Tinawagan ka ni Titaaaa-a-a-a-a."

Kakaiba sumigaw si Tita Carmen. Kumakanta. Para bang si Armida Siguion-Reyna sa Aawitan Kita Special.

Matatawa si Kuya Noel. Alam kase niyang takot ako doon sa dalawang higanteng imahen. Eh, kailangan kong tumawid ng chapel mula sa kwarto niya kung kailangan kong pumunta sa kwarto ng Tita. Last resort ko na lang magpakalong sa Kuya.

"Kuya Noel!! Pakalong na lang papunta sa Tita Carmen...!!!"

Pagtatawanan niya ako. Tapos iiyak ako. Tapos matatakot ang Kuya Noel na baka lumakas ang iyak ko at yayakapin na niya ako't magso-sorry. Ritwal na yun.

Parati akong halos isang oras na kakausapin ng Tita Carmen. Ako kase ang pinakabata sa magpipinsan nung mga panahong iyon, kaya ako ang paboritong bata ng buong pamilya. Puwera sa Lola ko.

Hindi ko maintindihan pero lahat ng paborito ng Lolo ko, inaayaw ng Lola ko. Ako ang paboritong apo ng Lolo bago siya namatay, dalawang taon pagkatapos akong ipinanganak. Nakakagulat pero kahit na halos sanggol pa ako nun, medyo natatandaan ko pa ang mukha ni Lolo. Mataas, nakasalamin, nakakatakot sumigaw (tulad ng Mommy at mga Tita ko), halos kalbo at puti na ang mga natitirang buhok. Natatandaan ko pa na madalas ako kalungin ng Lolo sa kanyang paboritong tumba-tumba.

Tuwing panahon ng mahal na araw, ginagawa ang Pabasa sa maluwag na sala ng Tita Carmen. Parating maraming tao dahil maraming kaibigan ang Tita. Puro mayayaman. Ang hindi lang siguro mayaman doon ay ang mga kumakanta, mga kapit bahay, Mommy ko't iba pang mga kapatid. Mula bata pa, pinagtataka ko nang kung bakit tuwing mahal na araw, nagsisilabasan ang mga pera, Mah Jong sets at tables, kahit na panahon ng pagdarasal. Natatandaan ko pa, ang puwesto ng Daddy ko't mga Tito ko ay parating sa balcony ng Mansyon. Masarap kase ang hangin doon. Chain smoker pa ang Daddy ko noon.

Nang biglaang lumipat ang Tita Carmen at ang kanyang pamilya sa New York, naiwan lahat ng mamahaling gamit nila sa loob ng mansyon. Ang bahay niya, nakuha ng bangko't ibinenta ng tatlong lote. Ang mga laman naman ng chapel ay nai-donate ng mga Tita't Mommy ko sa simbahan ng Sta. Rosa. Pero tuwing Pabasa, hinihiram uli yung malaking imahen ni Hesus na nakaluhod na may pasang krus, at dinadala sa bahay ng Tita Sylvia sa Pasay.

Ang Tita Sylvia ang nagpatuloy sa tradisyon ng pabasa. Pero napansin ko, taun-taon, nababawasan na ang mga dumadalaw. Dati-rati, lahat ng mga kapit-bahay ng Tita pumupunta sa bahay niya. Yung iba pa, dayo mula ng Sta. Rosa. Hindi dahil sa makikidasal kundi para makakain ng handaan nang libre. Ngunit habang tumatagal, mas lalo na yatang nawawalan ng interes ang mga tao dito.

Sabi ng Daddy sa Mommy kagabi nung pauwi,

"Sabihin mo diyan kay IBYANG itigil na niya yang Pabasa. Kalokohan na yan. Obligasyon niyo pa bang ipagpatuloy ang inumpisahan ng luka-luka ninyong kapatid na si KAMEN?"

Palibhasa ang Daddy ko protestaste at hindi naniniwala sa mga santo, at sa isang-libo't isang kalokohan ng mga Katoliko.

Sagot naman ng Mommy ko:

"Oy! Gusto namin gawin ito. Kami ang naa-abala, kami ang nag-aasikaso, at kami ang gumagastos. Hindi kahit kailan ka namin inabala. Kung hindi mo gusto ang ginagawa namin, manahimik ka! Hindi ka pinipilit na sumama, ikaw naman ang dikit diyan nang dikit sa akin na parang linta!"

At tumahimik muli ang loob ng kotche.

Daddy, zero. Mommy, 20 points!

*****

Isa sa mga kumakanta sa pabasa kagabi ay isang matandang bakla na nakikita ko taun-taon mula noong bata pa ako. Kung makikita mo siya, matatandaan mo si Markova. Matandang lalakeng kumekembot. Isa siyang bayarang manghuhula. Hindi ko alam kung kaanu-ano siya ng pamilya namin. Hindi siya lumilibot kagabi sa mga bisita upang manghula, tulad ng nakagawian. Wala ding lumalapit sa kanya upang magpahula. Siguro napagod na ang matanda. Siguro sawa na ang mga bisita na makarinig ng mga pang-uuto. Noong bata ako, tatlong beses ako sapilitang hinulaan nung matanda. Ang una, sabi sa Mommy ko papasok ako ng kolehiyo sa Ateneo. Ang pangalawa, mag-aasawa daw ako sa edad na 22. At ang pangatlo naman, ang magiging asawa ko daw ay isang Intsik. LAHAT ng hula niya hindi nagkatotoo. Unang-una, Lasalle ang kinabagsakan ko. Pangalawa, lumaki akong bading. Pero in fairness, sa edad na 21 o 22 ako nakatikim ng unang halik... sa isang Chinese... na LALAKE.

*****

Napapunta ang usapan namin ng Kuya Warren tungkol sa Mansyon ng Tita Carmen dahil sa malaking imahen ni Hesus na nakaluhod. Napakwentuhan namin yung tungkol sa chapel. Nagugulat ang Kuya sa naabot memorya ko.

"Pati ba naman yun natatandaan mo pa? Bata ka pa nun, ah!"

Hindi niya akalain na hanggang ngayon natatandaan ko pa yung mansyon. Yung malaking swimming pool kung saan ako isang beses nalunod ako at nasagip ng Ate Shiela; yung koleksyon ng mga kotche ng Tita Carmen na madalas ako makisakay; yung maliit na bahay na pinagawa ng Tita Carmen para sa Tita Eve na madalas kong tuluyan kapag Sabado ng gabi dahil nandoon ang mga pinsan ko; yung isang German Shepherd ng Kuya Noel na si Nieko na naging aso ko nang mag-ibang bayan sila.... at ang taunang Pabasa na kinatatakutan ko dahil nagsisilabasan ang mga higanteng imahen.

*****

Hindi ko alam kung paano gagawin ng Tita Sylvia ang Pabasa sa susunod na taon gayong lilipat na siya sa Ayala Alabang. Hindi ko alam kung magiging balewala sa mga magiging kapit-bahay niya ang mga hele-hele ng mga kumakanta mula bukang-liwayway hanggang kalaliman ng gabi. At hindi ko rin alam kung may makakapunta pa sa bahay niya gayong mapapalayo na siya sa Pasay.

My GAD!

I'm not so sure about how this issue started but I find the exchange of replies fabulously AMUSING. Ahaha ahaha. (copied from an MH yahoogroup post)
**************

--- Betty Flores wrote:

> my friend check out the reply, goodness.
>
> > hehehe. You make me smile Mr. Betto. Masakit? Of
> > course not (so, you're immune with gulo or trouble
yeah right its a 3rd world thing, in fact its a daily
thing in the media in the Phils, you'll find it boring
without the patay, gulo, away, guerra anything that is
morbid, yeah your used to it. Even in the internet
people are so rude cause that's their way of life, I
must tell). Really. As a matter of fact, you're
> > tickling me (of your own misery?). No one's
> jealous
> of your green dollars (common on, you are really
> very
> pretentious)
> > no matter how high the value. The problem with you
> > is that you become easily blinded by your american
> > lifestyle. (blinded? With a better lifestyle? Is
> that what you mean? So, you don't like a quality of
> life or you don't even know what quality of life
> means? Poor thing, you've got a very low self
> esteem)
> Haha. I pity you (you mean yourself?). You are not
> worthy of
> > jealousy or envy (eat your heart out). And most of
> all, never of any
> > appreciation (Talaga? kawawa kanaman) And how
> could
> you say that pinoys take
> > news reports that way (so, who voted for VP Noli,
> LOren et al was it the americans?)? Is it because
> that
> is how you
> > take your own news reports (Sir,I didn't vote for
> any of those rubbish, I'm sure during the last
> election you were confused between Noli or Loren)?
> And
> for your
> > information, I have no plans of leaving my country
> > and following your rather insipid footsteps (So
> you
> were denied? No money? No qualifications?All of the
> above? You don't have to be bitter, work for it).
> And
> I
> > know why i irked you a lot. Kasi nasa tate ka na
> > nga, American-lifestyle kuno, and kano everywhere,
> e
> > wrong grammar parin (maybe you are highly paid in
> the Phils because of your good English, talaga?).
> > And who knows? Baka kayod-kabayo ka dyan at ang
> > daming trabahong pinapasokan para lang mag-mukhang
> > high-earning (you need to expose yourself to some
> people who are decently paid, don't limit yourself
> in
> talking with some DH, caregiver etc, talk to
> somebody
> who has a wonderful job, nice house, nice car and
> can
> travel anytime. These people can help you improve
> your self-esteem). At pag-bumalik na sa Pinas,
> parang
> > kung sino nang milyonaryo (certainly, my friend
> certainly, akala ko hindi na envy). tsk tsk tsk.
> Plain
> > absurdity (about yourself? what took you so long
> to
> realise, darling), Mr. Betto.
> >
> >
> > betto Flores wrote:
> >
> > My friend if you really want to deal the issue
> based
> > on personality
> > like most pinoy gays who can't deal based on the
> > issue.
> >
> > Here's all I can say, if you're really
> > intellectually sound you
> > should answer the postings based on the issue and
> > more importantly
> > you intellectual opinion. Not how the postings
> was
> > made. Even if
> > the grammar is wrong but I suppose you understand
> > what the message
> > mean. You can always share your ideas, that if
> you
> > have if ever?
> >
> > I'm just furious cause most pinoys gays in any
> pinoy
> > group always
> > sound weird, they don't know how to dela with
> > issues. Like in the
> > Philippines, Pinoys are particular about the news
> > presenter
> > (newscaster), what the person wears etc. They
> don't
> > take the news
> > report if they don't like the news presenter.
> > Again, based on
> > personality. No wonder why you have Jinggoy in
> the
> > Senate et al
> >
> > But if you really are good in English pack your
> bag
> > and you'll go
> > places with your good English rather than staying
> > who cares.....
> >
> > I may not have a good English but I earn respect
> by
> > my work mates,
> > friends who are really good in English and they
> are
> > not
> > pretentious. Not to mention earn in dollars with
> > beautiful
> > lifestyle. Now saan na punta ngayon sa inglis mo?
> >
> > I'm just giving you a dose of your personality
> based
> > criticism.
> > Sakit no?
> >
> > NOw it make sense!
> >
> >
> >
> > --- In PinoyHunk@yahoogroups.com, rock it
> > wrote:
> > pano ka magiging credible e wrong grammar ka din?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > betto Flores wrote:
> >
> > I just couldn't believe what Mr. Butch Francisco
> > said, but I feel
> > the same way the about the column of Mr. Ricardo
> Lo
> > (Philstar.com)
> > about the Oscars. The bottom line of Mr. Lo's
> > comment was that the
> > Oscars was simple yet charming and elegant, the
> same
> > way I made my
> > comment about the Oscars, its simple. By the way,
> my
> > posting came
> > out ahead that of Mr. Lo.
> >
> > I just don't like a typical Pinoy shows which are
> > too elaborate and
> > some part doesn't make sense at all in most case
> the
> > host themselves.
> >
> > Yes we might be proud of our beauty queens but if
> > you visit other
> > countries not only in the USA like in any
> countries
> > in Europe,
> > people just don't care about beauty queens. Who
> > cares! And on that
> > basis that we have heaps of beauty queens make
> Pinoy
> > known global,
> > hey my friend no way. People are more aware of
> > athletes
> > ranges from soccer to rugby, tennis to golf sorry
> > gays not much with
> > basketball it only a US thing just like Pinoys fun
> > of basketball but
> > Micheal Jordan is never in other countries. Now
> if
> > you speak about
> > Artista which the pinoys adore much sorry gays
> again
> > they just get
> > much publicity but the popular are the athletes.
> > Remember what
> > Chris Rock said in the opening of the Oscars there
>
> > are few stars
> > but the others are just popular.
> >
> > IN other words my friend, if you think Phils is
> > known sorry to
> > disappoint you you're wrong.
> >
> > You're right when you said we have heaps of
> > cartonist but the thing
> > is who conceptualized it? Its like in a
> > construction the tradesmen
> > (construction workers) who works on building a
> house
> > doesn't mean
> > they are the designers, its an Architect thing not
> > some kind of
> > tradesmen.
> >
> > Finally, if you want to make a point we don't have

Do your do!

I got this from the MH yahoogroup. READ ON! =)
*****************

There was this Pinay named Maria who was born and raised in Olongapo City. She met her husband, John while he was stationed at Subic Bay Naval Base. Maria doesn't have an excellent command of the English language, but she and John manage to communicate.

One day, Maria decided to cook a big dinner for John, so she called John up at work and told him to come home straight from work. John and his co-workers had been working long hours trying to finish up a project their admiral had assigned weeks ago, so they were excited to finally finish it. They decided to go to the ship's chow hall to celebrate. When John came home around midnight, he realized he forgot about the dinner that Maria had made for him. As Maria came out of the kitchen, John began to explain. "Honey, I'm really sorry. The guys decided to celebrate a little bit, so we ended up eating at the ship." "Ah, like that, ha? I cook the house for you, you eat the ship!" "Honey, I'm really sorry," begged John. "Ahh! Don't sorry to me! From now, you do your do, I do my do! You harden there!" (Tagalog translation: Ah, ganon ha? Pinaglutuan kita dito sa bahay, kumain ka naman sa barko! Mula ngayon, gawin mo ang gusto mong gawin, gagawin ko ang gusto kong gawin! MANIGAS KA DIYAN!)

So there, my friends, is Maria's story. If you didn't find it as funny, oh well... YOU HARDEN THERE! :)

sábado, marzo 12, 2005

Shoutouts!

* Una sa lahat, happy 18th birthday to McVie. Pero FYI, you look older than your age. Mukha kang 21. Thanks for the lunch treat!

* Thanks Jong for navigating the Los Baños trip. Ang saya-sayang pahirapan ang kotche kong hindi naman 4x4 sa mga bangin ng UPLB. Sabi nga pala ng nanay ko na yung pinuntahan natin na peak kanina, that's where Imelda Marcos wants to be buried daw. Swimming tayo dito sa house next time, ha. Kahit na wala kaming pool heater. Ehehe ehehe.

* Congrats NAYBAH for being elected as LA Batch rep. Poor voters. They voted the wrong guy! Wekekekekeke. Basta first policy mo, require all cute guys to undergo special medical exam with you kase di ba you're gonna go to med school din naman? Yung manner of testing ala Sean Cody dapat. Hihihihihihihi.

* Hey Zeki, I hope you're feeling better now. Stay healthy para maka punta tayo ng Galera next month, ok? Basta tsong, beach tayo!

* Francis, your pad looks GREAT! When can we visit?? I know where it is na. It's near Paseo Center lang pala! Madalas ako doon, right Jong? :)

* Hi Amanda. Sorry for torturing you today. Pero, you had fun naman, di ba? At ang galing mong magtipid ng gas, ha! You're the best. MUWAH!

It was a feel-good day today. I know that I'm not an excellent driver but I can say that I did well on the roads of LB. I only had a few hours of sleep. Thank God for keeping me awake!

viernes, marzo 11, 2005

Psycho Soundtrack -- eeeek! eeeek! eeeek!

15 years ago, we had neighbors who lived 4 houses away from us who had a 7-year-old daughter. She was a chubby little talkaholic Chinese mestiza. My Mom thinks she's cute. I think she's one of the Children of the Corn. She's one of those neighborhood kids who has a way of escaping their yayas and show up at some other parent's garden. Parang nagte-teleport from Izlude to Geffen.

"Mahiwagang Birhen ng Manaoag... heto 1,000 zenies. Pa-teleport sa kina Mr & Mrs. A******, please?"

Let's call this little corn child Monica.

Monica would show up within properties of different neighbors at different times of the day, but usually in the morning, and she would later on be brought back to her parents after giving her snacks of cookies or ice cream. One sunday morning I found her sitting at our porch with her freaky looking cabbage patch kid doll. I said hello to her. She replied in a very eerie tone.

"Hiiiiiii.... I'm waiting for your dogs to come out."

The last of my 12 dogs have already been dead (or given away) for at least 2 years that time so CREEPY CORN CHILD FREAKED ME OUT! I rushed to my balcony. That's where my Mom used to read the sunday papers. I told her that Monica was at the front porch.

"Awwwwwww.... yung kyut na bata doon sa kanto? Mabigyan nga ng kendi..."

Di man lang nagtaka kung paano nakapasok at anong ginagawa sa bahay namin! Grrrrr. My Mom brought her to the kitchen, gave her MY kitkat bars and personally walked her back to her house.

But, but, but, BUT... THOSE WERE MY KITKATS!

And at another Sunday morning, I swear, I saw her walking around the garden and she was singing a song similar to what the kids were singing at a Friday The 13th movie. I started screaming. This caught my Mom's attention and scuttled to where I was.

"Ba't ka sumisigaw?"

"May multo! Ayan, o!!"

When I looked back at the garden, she wasn't there anymore. The only way she could get out of the garden was where we were. Nakapa-mewang tuloy nanay ko.

"Tigilan mo nang panonood ng mga horror sa TV, ha! Nasisiraan ka na ng ulo!" Ang sweet talaga ng Mommy ko.

Monica never had another apparition in our house after that but I would see neighbors walking her back to her house every now and then. She never gave me an I-will-see-you-in-your-nightmares kind of look. Nor spoke to me in a threatening way. But I found her VERY spooky. And she scared me a lot. Or maybe my imagination just went over board. A year later, she and her family migrated to another country.

We never heard anything from them ever since.

I was reminded of her when I came across the cabbage patch kids website. Freaky looking dolls!

jueves, marzo 10, 2005

putek

miércoles, marzo 09, 2005

Ay?

Patay na pala si Ronnel Victor?????

Ay?

Words of Wisdom

"Tonight, we'll go to a gay bar and make fun of people whose stomachs come out further than their pecs."

- Jack
from Will and Grace

Payapa

Hindi na muna siguro ako pupunta sa gym mamaya. Parang gusto ko munang manahimik kahit ngayong hapon lang. Ayokong mag-isip. Ayokong mag-alala. Ayokong mabahala.

Nasa kwarto ko ako ngayon. Nasa kama kaharap ang notebook PC. Pahinga muna sa homework. Kasalukuhang nakikinig sa paghampas ng hangin sa mga dahon ng mga halaman at mga sanga ng mga puno sa labas ng aking bintana. Ang sarap pakinggan. Napasimple, pero napaka sarap.

Nababasa at naririnig ko na dati na ang pinaka masaya at maginhawang mga karanasan sa buhay ay ang mga simpleng bagay na hindi natin masyado napapansin araw-araw. Ito na siguro ang isa sa mga iyon. Ang makinig sa katahimikan ng mundo. Ang pagmasdan ang kapaligiran.

Paminsan-minsan, kailangan nating kalimutan kung sino tayo at makiisa na muna sa kalikasan. Mararamdaman mong parang nasa iisang silid ka lang kasama ang Diyos.

domingo, marzo 06, 2005

Yaya

Wala akong alaala mula sa nanay ko noong bata ako na pinaghandaan niya ako ng pagkain, pinalitan niya ako ng tuwalya sa likod, nakasama sa mga handaan ng kaarawan ng mga kaibigan at kalaro, o nasamahan sa enrolment. Parati na lang si Nila, yung yaya ko.

Dalawang bata ang inalagaan at pinalaki ni Nila: ang kuya ko at ako. Tumandang dalaga dahil sa pag-aalaga sa amin.

Nag-umpisang magtrabaho si Nila para sa nanay ko noong 17 pa lang yata siya bilang isang kusinera sa isa sa mga canteen ng nanay ko. Ang nanay ko ang isa sa mga naunang nagpatayo ng concessionary canteen noong halos talahib pa lang ang Makati. Kwento niya, madalas nakakasabay niya si Don Jaime ZDA sa elevator noong may buhok pa siya. Nang magpalit ng negosyo ang nanay ko, siya na ang naging kusinera ng pamilya. May sariling yaya ang Kuya ko. Nasabi kong naging yaya din niya siya dahil kapag wala si Yaya Remedios, si Nila ang nag-aalaga sa kuya ko. Lalo na noong nag-asawa at nag-resign na si Yaya Remedios.

May sarili din akong yaya, si Yaya Terry. Pero nang tumungtong na ako ng grade school at natutong maghugas ng pwet nang mag-isa, nag-apply siya sa negosyo ng nanay ko at naging employada doon. Si Nila na ang nagpalaki sa akin.

Kusinera at yaya.

Tuwing may kaibigan o kapit-bahay na ka-edad ko na may handaan, ayaw na ayaw kong pumunta dahil takot ako sa ibang mga bata. Pakiramdam ko lagi na lang ako aapihin. Kahit na gaano kapilit ang nanay at tatay ko (at sermong umaabot sa isang daang kilometro), idinadaan ko lagi sa pagdadabog at pagwawala (at natutuwa ako kapag natatalo ko ang nanay ko sa psychological battle). Pero si Nila lang ang nakakapag-amo sa aking pumunta sa mga handaan iyon. Siguro dahil mas napagkakatiwalaan ko siya kaysa sarili kong nanay. Nagiging panatag talaga ang loob ng isang bata sa isang taong napatunayan nang hindi siya pababayaan.

Ikumpara ko ba naman ang alaga ni Nila sa mga sigaw ng nanay ko at palo ng tatay ko. Kanino kaya ngayon kakampi?

Nang lumipat kami ng Alabang at lumaki-laki na ang sweldo ni Nila, tuwing pasko binibigyan niya ako ng regalong t-shirt dahil alam niyang kailangan ko. At kapag birthday naman ng nanay ko, hati kami sa pagbili ng regalo. Pabango, damit o murang bag. Pero lugi ang nanay ko dahil humihingi pa ako sa kanya ng pera.

"Mommy, pahingi pera. Bibili ako ng.... uhm... medyas!"

Siya din ang naglalaba ng mga damit ko kung minsan. At kung kaya din niya, siya ang nagpuputol at nagtatahi ng mga pantalon ko. Maswerte nga ako eh, kase nung panahon ng kuya ko, hindi pa siya marunong gumamit ng sewing machine.

Sa kinatagal-tagal sa amin ni Nila ay natuto siyang magluto, maglinis ng bahay, maglaba, manahi at higit sa lahat, mag-alaga ng anak ng iba.

Nang tumungtong ako ng kolehiyo, binigyan ng nanay ko ng pagkakataong magtrabaho si Nila sa ibang bansa. Nanay ko ang nagbayad ng pamasahe sa eroplano, at una siyang nagtrabaho sa mga tita ko sa New York. Kasalukuyang nagtatrabaho siya para sa isang mayamang pamilyang Irish. Tulad ng dati, nag-aalaga ng anak ng iba. At nagsi-sideline din siya na kusinera sa mga handaang pinoy doon. Nakabili na siya ng lupa at nakapagpatayo ng bahay sa Cavite. Nagkapagpa-aral din siya ng mga pamangkin.

Mukhang balak nang bumalik sa Pilipinas ni Nila sa susunod na taon. Sa bahay niya pinatitira ang pamilya ng isang pamangkin niya. Pagbalik niya, may pagkakataon siyang tumira sa sarili niyang tahanan na pinagpaguran niyang itinayo.

Maaari din namang siya ay muli naming maging kapamilya sa tahanang nakamulatan.

Hibang

Kung minsan inaasam ko na sana mayroon isang taong maasahan kong parating tutulak sa duyan ko. Kahit kunwa-kunwarian lang na taos sa kanyang puso, makita ko man lang na kahit na paano ay may tumutulong.

Gusto kong dumuyan nang malakas! Gusto kong dumuyan nang mabilis! Gusto kong dumuyan nang mataas, hanggang sa mayakap ko ang langit.

Gusto kong nang dumuyan... habang buhay.

Overdrive

It felt so peaceful driving along Acacia Avenue at midnight. Seeing only the light coming from my car and the row of lamp posts chaining both sidewalks, the scene was simply picture perfect. Too bad, I didn't have my camera with me. I was having a boring evening, and getting frustrated at wasting my saturday night to oblivion. But coming home after a brief late night chat over coffee with 2 friends, this scene greeted me. It was cool. With my windows rolled down and the wind brushing my face, I was in heaven.

Peaceful.

Serene.

Calm.

Still.

Undisturbed.

It's the kind of view I would like to see often. I'll probably start having late night drives around the village every now and then to calm down my nerves.

viernes, marzo 04, 2005

hijo de puta

Ang sarap mag mura.

PUTANG INA!!!!!!!!!!

Tuwing binibigkas ko ang masasakit na dalawang salita na yan, hindi ko maintindihan kung anong sarap ang nararamdaman ko. Kahit na paano gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko.

Hindi ko minumura ang ibang tao. Nagmumura ako kapag nasa loob ako ng sarili kong silid at mag-isa. Tuwing masama ang loob ko, o kaya'y may kinaiinisan, sumisigaw ako.

PUTANG INA!!!!!!!!!!

Therapy ko na ito sa sarili ko. Mabuti na ito kaysa manira ako ng gamit o pumatay manakit ng tao.

Sa dami ng frustrations ko sa buhay, ito lang ang madaling paraan upang makahinga muli ako ng maluwang. Hindi araw-araw ay piyesta. Hindi araw-araw ay Sabado de Gloria. At hindi din araw-araw ay may kaibigan na yayakap sa akin upang paalalahanin ako na maganda pa ang buhay.

Dabog

Kasalukuyang kumukulo ang dugo ko sa galit. Sa kung ano ang kadahilanan, sa akin na yun. Maraming dahilan. Parehong mababaw at malalim. At masyadong maraming mga mata ang tumatanaw sa aking talaan. Sa mga panahong tulad ng ngayon, gusto kong lumayas. Hindi kahit kailan maaalis sa akin ang mag-isip at mangarap nang gising at makipaglaro sa guni-guni na kung paano kung naging iba ang buhay ko.

Sana ganito....

Sana ganyan...

Sana.... Sana.... Sana....

At kahit kailan, sa kahit anong panahon o sitwasyon, walang makakaintindi sa akin. Sa kung paano tumakbo ang utak ko, o sa paanong paraan ako magiging masaya.

*****

Napapansin kong masyadong maraming detalye tungkol sa buhay ko ang naisusulat ko na dito. At dahil dito, nahuhusgahan ako ng ibang mambabasa. Karaniwan, mga IPOKRITO.

Marami din inaakalang ako'y masayahing tao. Hindi totoo 'yan. Kung paano kong natutunang magalit at maghiganti sa isang kaaway ay bitbit pa rin ng dibdib ko.

Marami nang namantala at umabuso sa akin. Palibhasa kahit na ako'y isang taong pinalaman sa galit ay mapagpasensya pa rin. Kung ako ay tunay na masama, mahigit pa sa tatlong tarantado na sana ang napatay ko.

*****

Walang sino man ang makakaibsan sa nararamdaman ko ngayon. Kailangan ko lang makalimot. Kailangan ko lang magpalipas ng panahon. Galit ako!

jueves, marzo 03, 2005

Jackie's Nosey Survey

1. Male or Female?
Mali-mali

2. Favourite colour?
Black, Blue... amazingly, NOT red.

3. Favourite food?
Kare-kare, Sinigang na baboy, Inihaw na Liempo, Bopis... (Ang beel-bell!!! Ang beel-bell!!!)

4. Celebrity crushes?
Jay Hernandez forever

5. Hair colour?
Black

6. How old are you?
Old enough to remember Uncle Bob

7. How much do you weigh?
One hundred.... uhm.... Twenty... uhm... five... pounds

8. Do you like rock music?
Sure.

9. Have you ever broken something and blamed it on someone?
All the time. Hihihihihihihi.

10. What did you dream about last night?
Pretty naked girls were walking along my street. Boooooooring.

11. Britney or Christina?
MADONNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12. Cakes or cookies?
Cakes AND cookies.

13. KFC or McDonalds?
KFC... and Twister Fries. Yum YUM!

14. Do you want a tattoo?
If I can stand the pain, sure. ;)

15. Have you ever tried voodoo?
Not really.

16. Do you wish you were thinner?
a beel-beel-less body would be fine. ;)

17. What is the time right now?
9:10pm (bedtime!!)

18. Have you got a pet?
I got a labrador, a shih tzu, a pug and 4 nephews.

19. What’s worse falling over in front of your crush or breaking wind in front of them?
the latter would be NASTY. And I mean NAS-TEH!

20. Have you got a piercing?
Nope.

21. Describe yourself in three words
Adorable, portable, forgetable.

22. Do you believe in aliens?
Have you seen Michael Jackson's pictures LATELY??? Doh!

23. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes. I can feel them sometimes.

24. Do you like Halloween?
No. Too American for me.

25. How many teeth are in your mouth?
Lemme sheee.... uml... uhml... more than 20?

26. Can you sing?
I'm good at pretending.

27. Do you like playing dare games?
Only if the cute guys get naked.

28. Are you a liar?
Fabulously.

29. Have you got drunk before?
Ahaha ahaha. What a question.

30. Have you got a religion?
Non traditional catholic.

31. How many fingers am I holding up?
both thumbs.

32. Can you roll your tongue?
a little.

33. What’s your favourite sport?
hide and Seek... Max the pug will hide, and I will go seek the little bastard.

34. What’s your favourite flavour ice cream?
Cookies and Cream.... Mmmmmm....!

35. Do you have any fillings in your teeth?
Yes.

36. Can you send this survey to hundreds of people by email?
Are you crazy??? That's spamming!

37. Would you ever go outside in your pyjamas?
I don't have pyjamas.

38. Could you tell me your sizes of shoes and clothes?
Shoes.... basta SMALL. Hihihihi... Clothes, Medium or Small.

39. Do you think self labelling is wrong?
If you're admitting that you're the world's greatest asshole, then it's so NOT wrong.

40. Do you have anything which makes you individual?
I keep a blog (mostly) in Tagalog.

41. Do you smoke?
I try not to. It's BAD, eh. I'd rather drink. Ehehe ehehe.

42. How old is your mother?
She's turning 72 on the 26th of this month.

43. What was your favourite toy when you were a child?
Lego bricks and Transformers

44. What is your favourite band?
A lot! U2, Imago, D-Sound, and True Faith.... etc.

45. What did you get for Christmas?
Money.

46. Have you got a phobia?
Heights, flying insects

47. Do you bitch about anyone and if so who?
I bitch about a lot of people. I just don't blog about it... often. Ehehe ehehe.

48. What is the worst form of punishment you could think of for a murderer?
Castration without anesthesia. ARUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUY!!!!!! Tapos buhisan ng alcohol. PANALO!

49. Have you got a wrong or right answer?
Uhm.... ano daw?

50. Heard of The Darkness, this great band from England?
Paano naging GREAT eh hindi nga sikat. Hmph!

51. Do you wear glasses?
Only when I'm driving.

52. Have you got a boy/girlfriend?
200% SINGLE AKO!!!! Walang sabit!!

53. Have you got an enemy?
Uhm... if my other batchmates start reading my blog, then.... Uhm.... EEEEEK!!

54. Favourite film?
House of the Flying Daggers.

55. What’s your saying?
"Wiping is for the Americans... but da tabo is for the Pinoy."

56. Can you count to 9,737,859 (nine million, seven hundred and thirty seven thousand, eight hundred and fifty nine)?
i'm tamad.

57. Do you have a habit?
Check my email every morning as soon as I wake up.

58. Can you describe your bedroom?
Square. Messed-up.

59. What kind of shampoo do you use?
shampoo... uhm... for humans.

60. Sick of chain letters?
Absolutely.

61. Do you have any qualifications?
Sheht. English! Ano daw???

62. Could you tell me any joke?
Your face.

63. What’s your favourite fragrance?
Rejoice shampoo on my Shih Tzu

64. Do you like comedy movies?
Absolutely!

65. Do you get stressed?
Everyday.

66. What is 689,689 multiplied by 2?
1,379,378 (O, ha? Hehe)

67. Do you have any hobbies?
Sleeping.

68. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?
Mga Kwento ni Xerex

69. Can you tell me what question 17 was?
The current time when I was on question 17

70. It was "what’s the time" what is the time now?
9:38pm (sheht. ang bagal ko!)

71. Do you have a DVD player?
Yes.

72. Name a famous tennis player
Tiger Woods? Sheht!!!!!!!

73. Have you got any sisters or brothers?
an older brother.

Liar.

In our house, we have a simple rule with the maids as regards to unknown callers (that would be ANYONE other than family or friends) meaning to speak to any of us (My Dad, my mom and me), and that is to politely ask for his or her name, company, and reason for calling, and not to forget to advise the caller with the phrase "titignan ko lang po kung nandito siya/sila."

If there's a phone service that blocks certain callers from calling you, the same way as Friendster can block certain assholes from messaging you, I would have availed of it against Value Vision. Value Vision is one of those local InfoMercial companies that sells too-good-to-be-true products on TV. I have already forgotten which product I bought from them but whatever it is, it's now probably rusting in the junk room and I regret ever buying it. If you at any one time bought anything from them, expect to be riled every month by follow-up calls convincing you, in an ANNOYING way, to buy more products from them. If you have encountered a Family First agent at the malls, you would have a picture of how it goes.

One afternoon, with 2,000 strokes of bad luck following my back that day, a Value Vision agent called and I chanced on answering the phone. I could have just lied that Felipe was out of town, gone out shopping, travelled to never-neverland, or something with that effect. After all, my Mom's the Queen of White Lies and I'm PROBABLY the Prince. But NO! I was either so disoriented (or so hungry) that I spoke the TRUTH. I told the caller that I was home and that I was myself. And so went her 10-minute monologue of their "new products on TV." Bad trip. Ang kuleeeeeet niya.

"Ah sir, meron pa kami para sa kotche. Electric air pump!"

"Ah... eh, meron na kami. SAMPU pa." (Lie)

"How about an inflatable boat, sir!"

"Takot kami sa tubig." (Lie)

"Mga facial cream, sir... moisturizer, sun block..."

"Maganda na ang nanay ko at wala nang pag-asa ang pagmumukha ko." (Truth)

And the introduction of products went on and on. Until she ran out of items on her list. I just politely told her that I'm not interested to buy anything and then we both hung up.

I thought that was the end of it. But oh-ho-ho-ho NO. Every month they would still call. But of course, this time if I chanced on answering their phone call, I would lie.

* "Wala pa po siya."

* "Nasa office pa po siya."

* "Pumunta po ng Cebu."

* "Pumunta po ng Bacolod. AT HINDI PO NAMIN ALAM KUNG BABALIK PA."

With those reasons, they still hope of hearing my beautiful voice on the phone.

I was having a snack this afternoon when the phone rang. Grace, one of our house angels, answered the kitchen phone. Grace comes from a place in Cebu where their conversational voice level equates to Metro Manila's voice level for shouting. She went through with the routine of asking for the caller's name and company. She went to the dining room to tell me that the call was from Value Vision.

"SER!!! TELEPONO DAW GALENG SA BALYU BISHON!!! KAKAUSAPIN NINYO BA?"

"Anong balyu bishon?"

"YUNG SA TEEBEE DAW YATA. MAY BINIBINTA."

"Ah. Sa Value Vision. Naku, ang kulit ng mga 'yan. Sabi mo wala ako."

"U SIGI!"

Medyo LANG the kitchen is right beside the dining room and any idiot at the other end of the line would have heard what she was saying.

Grace goes back to the kitchen phone and said to the caller:

"AH... EH.... SABI NI SER WALA PA PO DAW SIYA! SABI NIYA HINDI PA DAW SIYA DUMADATING! UKI, BAH-BAY!"

Parang may eksenang ganyan si Matutina sa John en Marsha, ah.

miércoles, marzo 02, 2005

aujourd'hui

Today is whatever I want it to mean

martes, marzo 01, 2005

终止。

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Kung minsan, kailangan mo nang tuldukan ang isang napakahaba, walang katuturan at walang katapusang kwento upang makapag-umpisa ng panibagong talata ng buhay.

Si Kuya

Dati, nung bata pa ako, close ako sa Kuya ko. Malaki ang agwat sa edad namin ni Kuya. Mga 12 years din. Pero dahil ako lang naman sa bahay ang kaya niyang utus-utusan at utu-utuin, ako ang nagiging sidekick. Lagi lang kami nag-aaway pagdating sa merienda. Madalas kami ginagawan ng double-deck sandwich ng yaya ko. Pagkatapos niyang maubos ang sandwich niya, makikikagat pa yan ng dalawa sa sandwhich ko. Eh, nandidiri ako sa kagat niya kase bad breath siya. Doon mag-uumpisa ang pagwawala ko. Lahat ihahagis ko mula sa mga laruan ko, hangang sa mga damit ng kuya ko, hangang sa mga libro ko, pati na rin ang inosenteng pusa na natutulog sa living room... flying pussy cat!

Bukod pa diyan, ayos lang naman kami ng Kuya ko. Wag lang guguluhin ang buhok at lalaitin ang kotche niya. Dahil siya ang may pera sa aming dalawa, sa kanya ako nagpapabili ng clover chips at chippy sa tindahan sa kanto malapit sa bahay namin. At dahil ako ang sidekick, madalas niya ako isama sa mga lakad niya. Pag-hiram ng Atari games sa kapit-bahay, pag-renta ng porno (Oo! 6 years old pa lang ako nakakita na ako ng brochahan!) at pag-abot ng tsokolate at roses sa mga nililigawan.

May isang beses sinama niya ako sa DLSU pero iniwan ako sa parking lot (parking lot dati ang McDo-Lasalle ngayon) kase may kailangan daw kunin sa school. Isang oras ako nandoon! Pagkauwi sinumbong ko sa nanay ko. Pinagalitan ngayon siya.

"Ba't mo iniwan ang kapatid mo sa loob ng kotche nang isang oras? Nahihibang ka ba? Kung na-kidnap yan, saan natin hahanapin yan, ha! At ba't mo ba 'yan sinama sa Manila?"

Pagkatapos nun ako naman ang pinagalitan ng Kuya.

"Nakaka-inis ka naman, o! Ba't ka nagsumbong?" Tapos nagdadabog sa loob ng kwarto.

Ako naman ang iiyak at magdadabog pagkatapos.

ENTER: Kuting, the Flying Pussy Cat.

Alam ko rin yung ibang mga niligawan niya. Yung mga bumasted sa kanya. At yung mga nagpapaka-gaga sa kanya. Alam ko rin na nagka-crush yan kay Bitch Queen Gretchen Barreto nung lumipat sila sa village namin, at naging date niya sa prom si Kring-Kring Gonzales.

Tuwing birthday ng kuya ko, ako parati ang umiihip sa candles ng cake niya. Tutal, nababaduyan na siya doon, gusto kong mapapunta na sa akin yung mga birthday wish niya.

Sana magkaroon ako ng bagong BMX bike!.

Sana bakasyon na lang habang buhay!

Sana hindi umulan bukas para pwede ako mag-bike mag-hapon!

Sana may pera bukas si Mommy para mamasyal kami!

Sana basted ulit ang kuya ko kase mayabang yung nililigawan niya!

Nagumpisang maging malayo na lang ako sa kuya ko nang lumipat kami sa Alabang. Ewan ko ba kung ano meron sa hangin dito. Ang lamig ng hangin, pati pakikitungo sa iyo ng mga kapit-bahay malamig din. Kaya siguro pati si kuya nahawa. Dalawang taon pagkatapos kami lumipat sa Alabang, nakabuntis at nagpakasal sa isang anak mayaman ang Kuya ko. Tandaan ko pa yung panlalait sa kanya nung kapitid ng asawa niya bago nagpakasal.

"Ah, siguro binuntisan mo ang kapatid ko dahil may interes ka sa pera nain, 'no!?"

Ang yaya ko ang nag-kwento nun sa akin, hindi nanay ko dahil alam ng nanay kong madaldal akong bata sa mga tita ko. Dito rin sila tumira sa bahay namin hangang sa maisilang ang apat na mga anak. Sa mga panahong ito, parang ibang tao na sa akin ang kuya ko. Iba na ang mundong ginagalawan niya.

Nakapagtapos ako ng high school at college, ganun na ang naging distansya ko sa kuya ko. Ni sa kadulu-duluhan ng aking isipan hindi ko na iniisip na magiging malapit pa ako sa kanya muli. Matanda na kami para ibalik pa ang dati. Naike-kwento ko lang dahil sa kung anong kadahilanan, bigla ko lang naalala kami noong dekada 80.

*****

JOKE TIME:

Dumating ang doktor ni Alma, isang araw matapos siya ay operahan.
ALMA: doc, nakakahiya ho e, may itatanong po ako.
DOC: May problema ba?
ALMA: Wala naman po dok, itatanong ko lang po kung kailan babalik ang normal sex life ko.
DOC: uhmmm..... hindi ako sigurado kasi...... ikaw pa lang ang nagtanong sa kin niyan matapos ang tonsillectomy.